


The Switch

by shakethattree



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-11
Updated: 2014-02-16
Packaged: 2018-01-08 08:43:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 7,698
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1130583
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shakethattree/pseuds/shakethattree
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sam and Dean wake up one morning to a rather alarming situation - they are each inhabiting the other's body. They set out to find the person (or supernatural creature) responsible before disaster strikes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Rise and Shine

**Author's Note:**

> This fic deviates from canon slightly – a particular character did not die when the Winchesters thought they did. It is set an indefinite time after season 5 where none of the major events of the following seasons occurred, with the exclusion of Sam being rescued and having his soul returned to him. The brothers resumed their regular hunting lifestyle after trapping Lucifer in his cage.

The first thing Dean became aware of as he opened his eyes was a painful throbbing sensation in his head. He shifted, realizing he was fully clothed and lying on top of his bed in the motel he and Sam had been staying in whilst they worked their latest case. Rubbing his forehead, he desperately tried to remember what they’d begun investigating – something about a strange death involving a flying flowerpot, if he remembered correctly.

     Dean sat up and was met with an odd tickling sensation on the sides of his face. He seemed… Higher up, somehow. Disoriented, he tried to recall what had happened the previous night. He could remember pieces here and there – stopping by a bar to interview a witness while Sammy researched some lore, having a few more drinks than he should have. There was a girl, he remembered. What was her name?

     “Jenny,” he muttered before stopping abruptly; what was with his voice? He cleared his throat, figuring he must be coming down with something. More importantly, if he’d met a girl, what the hell was he doing back in the motel? A sliver of guilt trickled through him as he thought the words but he ignored it – Dean and Cas were a thing of the past.

     Cursing under his breath, Dean slumped back onto his bed only to be faced with the reappearance of the strange tickling sensation around his ears. Confused, he lifted his hands to his face and felt… Hair?

     “What the–?” Dean attempted to leap out of bed and towards the mirror in the bathroom but tangled his legs in the sheets and fell flat on his face. Groaning, he pulled himself up onto his hands – why did his legs seem longer all of a sudden? He righted himself, stumbling to the mirror before freezing.

     “What the hell?” He brought his hands to his face, tracing the features that were unfamiliar even though he’d been looking at them for as long as he could remember. It wasn’t his face.

     It was Sam’s.

 

*****

 

Sam groaned. His head felt like it had been bashed in by several angry demons before being run over by a truck. Not pleasant.

     Reluctantly, he opened his eyes and blinked in shock as they adjusted to the brightness of the clean white walls. He sat bolt upright, staring around in shock. No motel he and Dean had ever stayed in kept their rooms this clean. Where the hell was he?

     Sam felt something shift beside him and he cried out in shock, half of his body falling out of the unusually comfortable bed as he scrambled away from whatever dangerous creature had snuck up on him. Springing to his feet, he assumed a defensive position, a reaction that came as naturally as breathing.

     Only what lay on the bed was not a vengeful demon or an angry spirit, but a petite woman with dark, messy hair that fell in waves around her shoulders, covered only by a thin sheet. He’d been in bed with a woman and she was now looking at him like him like he’d sprouted another head. Sam relaxed his stance and watched the woman warily as she sat up, rubbing her head.

     “What’s wrong?” Her voice was heavy with sleep.

     He just stared at her, unable to think of an excuse for his strange behavior. As guilty as he made it him feel, Sam could not remember a single detail from his night with this woman. He remembered sitting down at the motel to look through some lore, calling Bobby and then… Nothing.

     “Whatever,” she muttered, glancing down his body. He followed her gaze and was surprised to find that he was stark naked. He blushed and grabbed a pillow from the bed to shield himself.

     “Getting shy now, are we?” The woman raised an eyebrow. “I don’t seem to remember you being all embarrassed last night.” She grinned at him as he looked away, cheeks an even deeper shade of red. Sam frantically combed the room in search of his clothes and, head pounding, he began to dress, protecting his dignity with the pillow to the best of his ability.

     As he pulled on his jeans, she swung her legs off the bed. “Aren’t you going to stay for breakfast? Or we could have another round, if you like.” She patted the bed and he hesitated, before pulling his T-shirt over his head (he could’ve sworn he was wearing something plaid yesterday).

     “Look,” he began, adjusting the shirt, “I have to be somewhere, uh–” Sam cleared his throat. His voice sounded somewhat deeper than normal.

     Her gaze darkened all of a sudden, irritation sparking behind her narrowed blue eyes.  “You don’t remember my name, do you?”

     Sam realized with a start that she was right. If he didn’t look like a complete dick before, he definitely did now. Rubbing his head and squinting, he replied, “I, uh, everything’s a bit fuzzy…”

     “I think you should leave, Dean.”

     “Ok – wait, what? No my name’s Sam, my brother–” As soon as he’d said the words, he recognized his mistake.

     “Oh, my God! You _lied_ to me about your _name_? Why the hell would you do that?” She stood and advanced towards him, wrapping the sheet around her body.

     “What? I never lied to you about my name! I’m Sam–”

     “I don’t care. Just get out. Don’t bother calling me.” She placed a hand on his back and guided him roughly towards the door, grabbing it once he stood in the hallway. “It’s Jenny, by the way,” she yelled, slamming it shut with a loud bang.

     Sam stood outside and moaned softly, head in his hands. He was hungover and disoriented and altogether unable to come to terms with the fact that he had apparently seduced a stranger under his brother’s name. And, to top it all off, his voice still sounded ridiculously deep.

     He needed to fight some demons or something.

     “Jenny, are you alright? I heard shouting–” The voice came from around the corner of the hallway and Sam turned to see an even shorter blonde woman appear a few meters away from him. As soon as she laid eyes on him, she stopped dead in her tracks, eyes widening in shock.

     “Wha– Dean? What the hell are you doing here?”

     “My name is Sam! Why does everyo–”

     “Did _you_ sleep with Jenny?” Her words were quiet but threatening as she took a few steps towards him.

     Automatically retreating a similar distance, Sam stuttered, “I don’t know what–”

     “ _Did you fuck my little sister?_ ”

     “I –”

     “I can’t _believe_ you! Do you honestly have that little respect for me? For her?” Voice rising, the woman placed her hands on her hips and took another step towards Sam who responded by backing into Jenny’s closed bedroom door. He was convinced he had never seen her before in his life. “You said you would _call_ me, Dean. And now you’re off sleeping with my sister of all people, right next door to where we were just the night before, and you don’t even have the decency to fucking _apologize_?”

     “Listen, I don’t know what’s going on and I – I’ve never even met you before now, let alone–”

     “Oh, so that’s how you’re going to play it. You know, I am _sick_ of guys like you treating girls like crap: running out as soon as you can, lying, messing with our heads, not even bothering to remember our _fucking_ names.” The woman took another step closer to Sam who was now leaning entirely on the door. “Guys like you are _not_ worth my time – I never believed you knew Oprah anyway…” She continued her angry tirade while Sam stood bemused and intimidated; although she barely came up to his chest, Jenny’s sister was clearly a force to be reckoned with. The longer she spoke, the more Sam felt like he was going to vomit – he wasn’t quite as accustomed to excessive drinking as his brother. He brought a hand to his face to push his hair out of his eyes only to find that something felt… well, different.

     He wasn’t given time to dwell on it as she showed no signs of stopping yet. “And it wasn’t even that good! You were so goddamn full of yourself I thought I’d be in for a good old time but, well, let’s just say it was over faster than the time it took you to rip off your fucking pants…” Sam was honestly starting to fear for his safety at the mercy of the short, angry woman. Perhaps he wasn’t thinking rationally but, in that moment, he would have taken another _year_ in the cage over facing her.  He’d managed to survive possession by Lucifer relatively unscathed physically; he wasn’t so sure he’d have the same level of success right now. “… I can’t believe I let you talk me into doing _that_! Just get out! And if you ever come near me or my sister again, I swear to God–”

     Sam had no doubt that she would have continued for some time if a movement behind him hadn’t caused him to fall backwards painfully onto his ass.

     “Georgia?” A confused voice floated out from behind him. Looking around, Sam realized that Jenny had opened the door he had been trying desperately to disappear into, sending him onto the floor in front of an ornate, full length mirror. Something about his reflection caught his eye and he turned before doing a double take.

     His brother’s large, green eyes stared back at him.

     Sam froze, unable to do much but gape at his brother’s image in the mirror. He drew a trembling hand to his cheek and was dismayed to feel his fingers meet with bare skin. Panicking, Sam ran his fingers over the rest of his head frantically as he searched for the comfort of his glorious mane. What the hell was going on? Where was his hair? What if his sideburns were gone forever? The absence of the cheek-hugging facial hair that had become a close companion of his over the past few years physically pained him as he continued to stare at his reflection. His brother’s stared back, echoing his lament for the ghost of good hair past.

 

*****

 

Dean stared in the mirror, utterly perplexed as Sammy’s face stared back at him, mirroring his confusion. Several minutes later, he dragged himself away from his reflection as he realized that he was only wearing a pair of loose, grey boxer shorts. He was staring at his little brother’s almost-naked body. Swearing profusely under his breath, he stumbled around the motel room as he pulled on a pair of jeans he found on the floor. The only shirts he could find were plaid – did Sam wear anything else? – so he reluctantly pulled one on.

     _Ok, this is beyond weird,_ Dean thought, staring at his giant feet. _What the fuck is going on?_

     He began to pace across the motel room, banging his head painfully as he passed under the light fixture. ‘Son of a bitch,’ he yelled, only it didn’t sound right in Sammy’s voice.

     _Well if I’m kicking in Sam’s body, he’s probably locked up in mine too_ , Dean reasoned _. Which means I need to track that son of a bitch down and find out what the hell he’s done to my body; I mean, who wouldn’t want to take advantage of being a hot piece of ass like me for a day?_

     He brushed the long strands of hair out of his face for about the fourteenth time as he fished his brother’s phone out of his pocket. He sent a text to Sam (Dean?), telling him to get his ass back to the motel before he ruined Dean’s life.

     Twenty minutes later, there came a frantic knock on the door and Dean let his brother into the room. He watched incredulously as his own body barged in and made its way over to the mirror, frantically running his hands over his face as he tried to make sense of the situation.

     Turning to Dean, horror impending on his gaze as he laid eyes on his own body, Sam whispered, “What the hell is going on?”

     “I don’t know, Sammy. But I don’t like it.” Dean cleared his throat – he missed his own voice already.

     “How – what – I’m in your body!” Sam’s gaze returned, horrified, to his reflection.

     Dean sighed, rolling his eyes. “No shit, Sammy. Now what the hell are we gonna do about it?”

     “I – I’ve never heard of anything like this before… What could it _be?_ There must be something, there has to be!”

     “Woah, calm your shit Sammy. We’ll figure something out.”

     Sam whirled around to face Dean. “I swear to God, Dean, if you do _anything_ to my sideburns…” He left the sentence open ended, aware that Dean knew full well the lengths his brother would go to in order to protect his locks.

     “I won’t touch them, Sammy, keep your panties on. What’s the last thing you remember before you woke up?”

     Sam’s brow furrowed and he pouted – clearly it was just a natural position for Dean’s face – before replying, “I called Bobby about the flowerpot case while I was researching. Probably about one in the morning.”

     “I was in that bar downtown,” Dean paused to clear his throat and shifted his eyes away from Sammy’s, “doing… research.”

     Sam rolled his eyes and pulled the mother of all bitch faces, uncharacteristically sassy for Dean’s softer features. “Dean,” he said, “I know exactly what you were doing. Sisters? Really?”

     Dean just shrugged. “Well maybe something happened at the bar that I don’t remember. I’ll go and take a look. You stay here and keep that face pretty, OK?”

     Sam nodded in agreement.

     Before Dean left, he paid a visit to the bathroom, no longer able to put off business that he had been avoiding so far. Although he tried to avert his eyes, he almost missed the toilet bowl completely and so, sighing woefully, was forced to note that his brother was bigger than him in more ways than one.


	2. Brotherly Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A multitude of surprises in store for the Winchesters and they finally discover the culprit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome, dear readers, to chapter two of this little fic. It took a bit longer than expected – I meant to have it up last weekend but it got stuck in the editing process. Thank you so much to those of you who took the time to read the first chapter and leave kudos/comments/bookmark it etc., you are all wonderful! Now onto the chapter…

The door to the tiny bar on the street corner opened reluctantly as Dean left. As he stepped out onto the sidewalk, his head slammed painfully into the doorframe, prompting a stream of curses from his mouth. He didn’t know how Sam handled the extra boost of height that normal humans clearly wouldn’t expect.

     He hadn’t been able to find anything at the bar that might help get them out of this shitstorm, and so headed grudgingly for the Impala to return to the motel. He was beginning to regret leaving Sam alone with his body, knowing it was an ideal moment to get revenge on Dean for everything he’d done to him over the years. As he opened the car door, it occurred to him that they hadn’t engaged in one of their prank contests in a while–

     “Sir! Excuse me, sir!”

     Dean turned to survey the almost empty parking lot for the source of the voice. A tall woman, smartly dressed in a navy pantsuit, was hurrying towards him as quickly as she could in her spiky heels. She was clutching a folder to her chest and was almost certainly approaching him. He turned his head either way to make sure. “Me?”

     She reached the Impala and hunched over slightly, breathing hard. “Yes,” she began, somewhat recovered, “I wanted to ask you if you’re already with a company.”

     Dean stared at her, bemused, and brushed his hair impatiently out of his eyes. “A… company?”

     The woman furrowed her eyebrows slightly and straightened up. “Well, if you’re not, I’d like to give you our card, we could really use a face like yours.”

     “Card? What the hell are you talking about?”

     Her immaculately made-up eyes narrowed. “Look, if you’re already with someone, that’s fine. It’s just we’re struggling to recruit at the minute, the boss just got divorced and no-one meets his standards anymore–”

     “Listen, lady, I ain’t got no idea what you’re saying and I’ve got somewhere to be so could you get to the point?” Dean cut her off mid-sentence, gesturing with his hands so wildly that he almost struck her in the face, still unused to the size of his limbs.

     “Do you want a card for the modeling agency or not?” she huffed.

     Dean’s mouth fell open and he gaped at her blatantly, unable to speak. _Modeling?_

     Seeing his expression, she said, “Oh don’t go all modest on me, you must have done some work before. Just look at you, you’re all legs and hair – they like that these days.” She waved her hands at his form, prompting him to remember that it wasn’t actually his body she was in awe of.

     Jealousy coursed through him. _Oh, so my brother’s some kind of modeling agency hottie, huh,_ he thought. _I bet he gets this all the time, that giant son of a bitch._

     “Hello?” The woman was waiting expectantly, now holding out a small blue business card.

     “Do I _look_ like some kind of pretty-boy model to you? These hands,” he held up the appendages in question, “were made for doing work. Good ol’ hard work, not posing while I make eyes at a camera in some shitty clothes. You got that?” Dean wasn’t about to give his brother the satisfaction of becoming a model on his account.

     Her eyes widened. She clearly hadn’t got that. “You’ve honestly never modeled before?” Her eyes suddenly lit up and she clutched his arm. “Come down with me to the agency now. The boss will definitely want to see you, bringing in a bit of fresh meat _must_ get me the bonus I’ve been hinting at! Please?”

     Dean considered for a second. Perhaps… Perhaps one small stint wouldn’t hurt. He could turn down any offers the agency made afterwards and Sammy would never have to find out after they switched back. _Seize the day_ , he thought, _crappy diamond, or whatever it is they say._

     “Ok. No cowboy outfits, though,” he warned, but the woman was already shrieking in joy and overwhelming him with information.

     The case could wait a little while longer.

 

*****

 

Sam sat on the edge of the bed, resting his forehead miserably his hands. He was still confused, and more than a little scarred, by the day’s events so far and just wanted it to be over. Sure, he craved action on dull cases more often than not, but this was just going too far.

     “Hello Dean.”

     Sam let out a loud shout as he jumped up, looking around feverishly for the source of the unmistakable voice. “Cas? What the hell?” Sam turned, letting out a strangled shriek as he saw the angel’s position on the bed. He was lying on his side, one arm supporting his head and the other on his seductively raised knee.

He was wearing the trench coat… And very little else.

     Sam averted his eyes, desperately trying not to look at any part of the angel in case he saw something he’d rather not behind the pair of bland white boxers he was sporting. He noted absent-mindedly that he’d kept the tie on. “Cas, what – what are you doing?” he stuttered, shocked at the angel’s arrival in such a state.

     “This is what you liked, wasn’t it, Dean?” Cas furrowed his brow deeply, moving to sit up. “I would like things to go back to the way they were. I understand that you don’t want to continue our relationship but I miss you a great deal.” He gestured to his attire. “I thought providing some incentive might help my case.”

     “Uh,” was all Sam could manage, his brain going into overdrive as it tried to make sense of the situation. _Relationship?_

     Cas’ hand twitched and suddenly Sam found himself lying on the bed, Cas clambering awkwardly on top of him to straddle his crotch. Sam was unable to move a muscle, completely immobilized by disbelief at the bizarre change of events. Placing his hands on his chest, Cas took a deep breath. “I’m sorry, Dean. I’m sorry that I was not enough for you. You said that you didn’t need me like I need you but my life has not been the same since it finished and I don’t know what to do. Will you ever be able to forgive me for that?”

     Sam didn’t know what possessed him in that moment but he felt the word slip from his lips anyway. “Uh… Yes?”

     Cas cracked the ghost of a smile and, before Sam could say another word, he pressed his lips clumsily against the shocked man’s. He froze once more for several seconds before the severity of the situation struck him. His brother… And _Cas?_ Dean had been _with_ Cas for God knows how long and hadn’t even thought to tell Sam? _Why would he have kept something like this from me for so long?_ Sam wondered, irritation bubbling deep inside him. He’d guessed, of course, as had pretty much everyone within a mile’s radius whenever Cas did that awkward staring thing that he only ever did with Dean, but he’d never thought they’d actually get this far.

     It then occurred to Sam that, whilst he was frozen under Cas’ awkward form, he was kissing his brother’s boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?). Sam immediately began to flail, trying to tear his lips away from the angel’s whilst pushing at his chest. “Mmph – _Mmph!”_ He struggled against Cas, who finally got the message and sat back, breathing hard and furrowing his brow. “Cas!” Sam spluttered in his haste, “I’m not Dean!”

     “What do you mean?” Cas now appeared even more confused than he usually did (apparently it was possible).

     “I’m Sam. We woke up–”

     “But Dean, I thought we only did role-play on Thursdays. Could you please alert me to changes to the schedule in the future? Perhaps we can discuss moving pie-play to Fridays.”

     “Oh God,” Sam breathed, mortified. He had just gotten more information about his brother’s sex life than he’d ever needed to know. _Ever_. “No, Cas, it’s really me. Sam. We woke up today in each other’s bodies –”

     “Dean, is this sarcasm, that humorous device you were telling me about?” Cas asked, “You know I am unfamiliar with that concept. But if you’re really desperate to do it today, I suppose we can do bondage on Thursday instead this week.”

     “No–”

     “So if you’re Sam, I must be one of the females about to meet their untimely end again?”

     Sam paused his protests. _Again?_ _This was a regular thing?_ He shuddered, wanting nothing more than to disappear into the bed and never resurface. Except Cas had now reappeared at the foot of the bed in full drag, sporting a long, blonde wig. He watched in utter disbelief as the angel switched positions with him, lying uncomfortably in a suggestive manner in the center of the bed.

     “Uh, will you come and save me, my hunter?” he murmured uncertainly. It seemed to Sam that Dean took charge in their relationship. _Which means Dean’s probably on_ … Sam couldn’t bear to finish that thought. “How will you… Save me from this unholy predicament?” The words sounded entirely ridiculous in Cas’ deep voice, his excessively ostentatious vocabulary just adding to the peculiarity, and Sam suddenly found himself forced to hold back laughter.

     Just as he thought he couldn’t bear it any longer, the lock to the motel door clicked and it opened slowly.

 

*****

 

Dean unlocked the motel door carefully, attempting to lose the final traces of eyeliner from around his eyes as he caught his reflection in the window. The car ride home had not been a good one. He had suffered a rather unpleasant surprise after playing ‘Eye Of The Tiger’ and, instead of his usual angelic tones, a strange honking noise came out of Sam’s mouth. He now knew why Sam was only willing to sing when his brother was on the brink of a visit to hell.

     Peals of laughter struck him as he stepped inside and froze instantly, laying eyes on the scene before him. “Cas?” he all-but shrieked as his voice, already higher than normal in Sam’s body, jumped up at least an octave.

     “Sam?” Cas choked, disappearing into thin air, but not before Dean was able to observe the familiar sight of his seductive position on the bed. And the wig.

     “Dean, thank God you’re back. I – I didn’t know what to do!” Sam gestured at the now empty bed, traumatized.

     “What – what the hell just happened?” Dean stuttered, eyes wild.

     “Dean, were you, you know, _with_ Cas?”

     “Sammy –”

     “No,” Sam interrupted, “Listen to me! Why didn’t you tell me you were together? Why was Cas apologizing to me, to you, for not being good enough? What the hell happened?”

     “Shut the _fuck_ up Sammy. What does it matter? It’s over now, whatever the hell happened between Cas and me doesn’t mean shit anymore!” Dean paced across the room, hands running through Sam’s long hair with frustration.

     “No, Dean. There’s no way I’m gonna let this one slide. Just tell me!” Sam said as he sat down on the bed and hooked one ankle over the other knee, staring at Dean expectantly.

     “C’mon, Sammy, it’s not that big of a deal!” Dean begged, Sam’s eyes pleading with their owner.

     “You can say whatever the hell you want, Dean, but I know you. This isn’t some stupid one-night stand, I can tell. It’s _Cas_.” Sam could see his brother wavering and knew he’d won.

     Dean gradually made his way over to sit beside him. He took a deep breath. “Do you remember that time I took Cas to get laid a couple of years ago? He sent that girl running screaming after going all mojo on her. You were gone, you’d tried to get out of all that angel shit and it was killing me. But Cas, he was so… So simple and clueless about stuff like that, it was a complete breath of fresh air.” Dean met Sam’s eyes. He didn’t need to elaborate – his brother knew exactly how he felt.

     “But I – I can’t, Sammy,” Dean murmured, breathing hard as if he were trying to hold back a torrent of emotion. “I can’t do that to him anymore. He was in too deep and I had to get him out before he drowned. When he beat my ass up in that alleyway after I decided to say yes to Michael – that’s all I could think about. He thinks he needs me, Sammy, but I can’t do anything but hurt him. Like I hurt everyone. One day I’ll leave or I’ll get him killed or he’ll get tired of me, of what we do.” Dean put his head in his hands.

     “Dean,” Sam said quietly. “Look at me.”

     He obliged, eyes tinged with red.

     “Listen to me. You need to sort this out. I get that you’re scared but I also get that you love him. Cas can look after himself, Dean, he’s been around since the dawn of time and I’m pretty sure he’s learnt a thing or two about staying alive around us. And you’re right – you might hurt him. But he might hurt you too. That’s just a risk you have to take. If you’re as deep in this as I think you are, you need to apologize.”

     Dean stared at his brother for a long time. “I don’t know if I can, Sammy,” he said, barely audible. “I – I can’t hurt him. I’d rather _die_.”

     “I know it’s natural for you to make the sacrifices, to put everyone else before you. But you need to be selfish once in a while. It’s ok.”

     Silence.

     “Cas.” Dean said it so quietly he wasn’t sure if he would be heard.

     He should’ve known better.

     “Dean?” Cas was stood in front of him, brow furrowed as usual. “You really have swapped bodies.” His eyes narrowed, passing between the two Winchesters suspiciously. “I thought you – I thought _Sam_ was trying to be humorous.”

     “I’m sorry, Cas.” Dean spoke louder now, clearing his throat. “I’m sorry I hurt you. I – I love you.”

     Cas looked uncomfortable to hear the words in Sam’s voice. “I love you too, Dean,” he said slowly, “And I’m sorry I couldn’t be good enough for you.” His words were painfully sincere.

     “Don’t say that. You’re everything I could ask for – why would I want you to be anything more?” Dean knew that it would take more than a proclamation of love to sort out their intensely fucked-up relationship, but he also knew that would come with time.

     Cas actually half-smiled as he stared into Dean’s (Sam’s) eyes. They would’ve happily stayed like that for hours had Sam not cleared his throat awkwardly.

     “Uh… Guys? I’m really happy for you, but could you please leave the making up for after you’re not in my body? I’ve already heard more about your sex life in the last hour than I _ever_ wanted to know – I mean, pie play? Really Dean?”

     Dean grinned honestly for the first time that day, shooting a less-than-convincing accusatory look at Cas. “About the body thing – Cas, you got any idea who could’ve done this to us?”

     Cas frowned. “Isn’t it obvious?”

     The two brothers stared at him in confusion.

     “It was Gabriel.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So we reach the end of chapter two. Gabe, you little shit.  
> I accidentally kinda wrote something a bit serious towards the end there, woah, hope it wasn't too horrific. I just wanted to deliver on the Destiel front, my lovelies!  
> I hope you enjoyed, if all goes to plan the third and final chapter will be up next weekend.


	3. Repaying Old Debts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gabriel wreaks havoc (who would've guessed?) for the Winchester boys.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ah well here we have the last chapter, only several weeks later than promised (oops, sorry)!  
> Some parts of this were uploaded without the help of my usual beta so I'm a little hasty about putting it up now but I just can't wait any longer.  
> Enjoy, my pretties.

“Gabriel?” Sam and Dean repeated simultaneously.

     “Yes,” Cas said bitterly. “No-one else could be so powerful yet so childish at the same time.”

     “But – but Gabriel’s dead!” Sam pointed out, his (Dean’s) Rapunzel-green eyes widened with confusion.

     “Well the current events would suggest otherwise.” Cas stared into his eyes the way he only ever stared into Dean’s, his omnipresent confused-face making Sam squirm visibly. Dean understood his discomfort – it had taken him a long time to get used to, let alone appreciate the constant eye sex.

     Determined to tear his angel’s eyes away from his brother, Dean interjected, “We saw Lucifer kill him! There’s no way in hell he could’ve survived that.”

     “Gabriel has been around Lucifer and Michael throughout his entire existence – he’s smart and he knows them well. It’s not entirely surprising that he was able to outwit them both.”

     “Well, say Gabriel _is_ the one behind all this, how the hell are we gonna track that son of a bitch down so he can change us back?” Dean shoved Sam’s hair angrily out of his eyes, completely sick of its constant interruptions.

     Cas paused. “I think I know where he might be.”

     And then he disappeared, leaving the brothers staring stunned at the place where he had stood.

     Sam met Dean’s eyes. “Say Gabriel is alive… Why would he do this? I mean, I know he’s a dick, but he always had a _reason_ for messing us about.”

     “Maybe he’s just gotten even more douchey in the years since–”

     “Watch your mouth, Dean. I thought we had something special!” Dean spun around to find the angel in question standing behind him, Cas holding his arm in an iron grip.

     “Gabriel,” Sam spluttered. “You – you’re really alive?”

     “Well at least the moose is excited to see me.” Gabriel was wearing an unbuttoned shirt, lipstick prints covering his chest and he held an almost empty margarita glass in his free hand. “So, boys, what can I do for you, now you’ve dragged me away from my pleasant evening?” he said, shooting a pointed look at Cas, “You could’ve at least let me bring the blonde, Cassy.”

     “You know exactly why you’re here, Gabriel.” Cas narrowed his eyes.

     Gabriel snatched his arm away before responding, “Come on, Cassy, lighten up a little! I’ll go grab some booze from the–”

     Dean stepped forwards, fists clenched, as he tried not to trip over his new feet for the twentieth time that day. “You’re not going anywhere Gabriel.”

     “Not until you change us back,” Sam reiterated, appearing at Dean’s side.

     “Oh, you’re no fun,” Gabriel whined, “I gotta say I expected a more welcoming return – you didn’t even think to get me a present?” He directed the question at Cas and raised his eyebrows.

     “ _Gabriel_ ,” Dean growled.

     “Fine,” the archangel said, rolling his eyes as he snapped his fingers dramatically.

     Dean felt his knees go weak and all of a sudden he was on the floor. Slowly lifting his eyes, he saw Sam’s face staring back at him and felt a rush of relief course through him. His hopes were instantly dashed as he met his own eyes. Again.

     “Gabriel, you giant fucking asshole, what the hell are you doing?” Dean growled, frowning when his voice came out even more gruff than usual.

     “Bobby?” Cas said, his voice cracking as it reached a pitch clearly beyond its regular capacity. He was staring at Dean, who was slowly beginning to understand what the archangel had done. “What are you doing here?”

     “That’s not me, you idjits!” Sam’s voice grunted as he pointed at Dean, making it clear that he was now taking Bobby’s body for a ride.

     “Is that you, Dean?” His own deep voice came from behind him and he turned to find his own face about two inches away from his new one.

     Stifling a surprised shout, he responded, “Yeah… Cas?”

     “I appear to be in your body,” the angel muttered.

     “How did you even get here, Bobby?” Cas (in whom Dean surmised his brother was currently residing) asked, clearly unsure whether to aim the question at the man’s body or Sam’s own.

     “How the hell would I know, I was making a sandwich and all of a sudden I’m looking at some idiot trying to control my own body. Anyone wanna explain what’s going on?” Bobby’s heavily accented drawl sounded incredibly foreign in Sam’s softer voice.

     “That would be me,” Gabriel interjected.

     “Oh, so the dead trickster archangel’s back. Yippee.” Bobby said bitterly as he laid eyes upon him.

     Dean began to advance angrily towards Gabriel but found himself suddenly rooted to the ground at a wave of the archangel’s hand. “Gabriel, you class A asshat,” he snarled, struggling against the invisible restraints, “if you don’t let me go and put me back in my own body now, I will hunt you down and shove your smarmy head where the sun don’t shine till you’re screaming for mercy!”

     “Witty as ever, Dean,” Gabriel replied. “I was only doing you a favor!”

     “How the hell is this a favor?” Sam asked, his voice cracking again.

     “You see, you guys just don’t appreciate me enough.” Gabriel grinned before snapping his fingers once more.

     A familiar shock ran through Dean and the world spun, bringing him to his knees. When the feeling had passed, he looked down at his body to find that he was now wearing a very familiar trench coat. _That dude is the fucking king of douchebaggery._

     “Wait… Am I in _you_ Gabriel?” The bastard was drawing himself to his feet, looking down at his attire bewilderedly. Dean felt a rush of satisfaction as he realized Gabriel had messed up big time.

     “Bet it’s a dream come true, Sam, being _in my body_.” The words came from Bobby, his gruff voice twisting the last three in a bizarrely overdramatic flourish. “But a damn sight better than an old man’s,” he finished as he flexed his hands, brow furrowing.

     “Hey, douchebag, watch what you’re doing with those,” Dean’s own voice snapped, now apparently being controlled by the old man in question.

     “Dean, I think I’m in your brother,” Sam’s voice murmured into Dean’s ear and he jumped, crying out.

     “Dammit Cas, you gotta stop doing that!” Dean growled, turning around to face the angel – the increased height difference was rather alarming.

     “Gabriel, you have to change us back!” Sam pleaded, head in his hands.

     “Hey, hot stuff, you’re the one with the mojo now. I got nothing!”

     Dean turned to stare at Gabriel (or, more accurately, Bobby) with murder in his eyes. “You mean to tell me that you can’t change us back? After all of the shit you’ve put us through today?”

     The archangel took a step towards him. “I’m just as pissed about it as you, Dean, what pretty lady in her right mind is gonna sleep with someone who looks like an eighty year old pack mule? But we’re stuck like this until your brother can figure out the controls.”

     “How the hell am I supposed to do that?” Sam yelled.

     “Just kinda–” Gabriel made a twisting motion with his hand.

     Sam imitated the action, wincing as a vase of flowers whizzed across the room and out of the motel window, followed by a high-pitched scream from outside.

     “No, the other way, douche nugget.”

     Sam complied, face scrunched up with concentration. This time, the bed in between them burst into angry flames. “Oh my God!” he yelled, twisting his hand again in hopes of rectifying the situation. The flames, along with the bed, disappeared completely and were replaced with a small white cat.

     “What the fuck just happened?” Dean asked, astonished.

     “Such foul language,” the cat replied in a very deep male voice, before disappearing entirely in a puff of smoke.

     “Uh… Maybe try both hands?” Gabriel suggested.

     Sam did as he advised. Each window in the room instantly shattered and all of the furniture disappeared, prompting a hefty sigh of disappointment from everyone present. It was at this point Dean realized that, in Cas’ body, he _also_ had crazy angel mojo powers.

     “For fuck’s sake Sam, let me try.”

     “No, Dean–”

     Dean ignored Cas’ distressed comment and waved his hand as he had seen Cas do many times before. A large fruit bowl appeared in the center of the room where the bed had once been (they had a lot of explaining to do to the motel owners). Nothing else happened. Dean couldn’t help but be disappointed, expecting angel mojo to be a hell of a lot more badass than a bowl of bananas.

     “Well that’s useful,” Bobby said sarcastically.

     “Just visualize us switching back! It’s not that hard, Sam, if you can trap my goddamn brother in hell I’m sure you can stretch to some simple-ass angel shit,” Gabriel snapped, now getting visibly agitated.

     “I’m trying,” Sam yelped, waving his hands around once more. There was a blinding flash of light that, once subsided, left a single pineapple in its wake. Dean would never be able to explain why, but he could have sworn that the pineapple looked… Angry somehow.

     “Balls.”

     Dean looked around the motel room but his body, along with Bobby, was nowhere to be seen. “Sammy, what the fuck did you do with Bobby?”

     “I’m right here, you goddamn idjits. What the hell did you do to me?”

     Dean continued to examine the room for Bobby, until he noticed Sam staring suspiciously at the pineapple. “Bobby?” his brother asked, perplexed.

     “Yeah, I’m down here. Did you shrink me or something?”

     “Uh…” was all Sam could say as he stared horrified at the pineapple.

     The shocked silence was suddenly punctuated with a sudden bout of laughter. Gabriel was doubled over, shaking with mirth, as he stared at the fruit. “Looks like the old man turned into even more of a prick than usual!” He continued laughing as the other men stared. “Get it?” he asked, cackling at their resigned expressions

     “What? What the hell is he talking about?” Bobby snapped, the leaves of the pineapple fluttering grumpily.

     “Pineapple!” Sam squeaked uncomfortably, utterly appalled.

     “Pineapple? Why are you talking about pineapples, boy?”

     “It would seem Sam has swapped you with a pineapple rather than a human,” Cas interjected.

     “ _What?_ You’re telling me that I am in a goddamn _pineapple?”_ Bobby yelled, his prickles practically thrumming with angry energy,

     “Interestingly, this would suggest that there is currently a pineapple in your body, Dean. Fascinating.” Cas muttered into his ear.

     Dean cursed violently under his breath, not even wanting to consider the possibility. “Will you just switch them back, for God’s sake, Sammy, before Bobby explodes in a shower of exotic healthiness.” The face Dean pulled at that point showed just how averse he was to the idea of coming into contact with such large volumes of fruit.

     “I’ll try… Uh…” Sam made a twisting motion once more, face screwed up, and Dean felt his knees go weak for what he sincerely hoped was the last time that day.

     He opened his eyes slowly, lifting his head to observe the scene unfolding around him. Four faces stared back at him and he gave a hefty sigh of relief as he realized his was not among them.

     “Oh thank God,” he breathed, hands stroking the beautiful stubble that grazed his face tenderly. If he knew one thing for certain after the day’s events, it was that he was never growing out his hair. _Ever._

     “Uh, good work, Sam,” Cas said unsteadily, standing up and brushing down his trench coat. He held out a hand to Dean, who gladly took it, not planning on letting go for as long as he could help it.

     “Aw, would you look at that. The happy couple reunited once again,” Gabriel crooned, “All thanks to good old me.” He clasped his hands over his chest and stared at Cas and Dean, his eyes ridiculously dreamy.

     Cas gripped his hand tighter. “I don’t see how this has anything to do with you, Gabriel.”

     “Well, why did you think I did all this? Surely you remember from the good old days – I never do anything without a _reason._ ”

     Dean stared at him, frowning deeply.

     “No? Do I really have to explain it all to you?” Gabriel rolled his eyes. “Well, number one, I’ve been out for four whole years. And I don’t know if any of you guys have ever been in hiding, but it just gets so _boring._ I mean, there’s only so much porn you can watch before people start to think you’ve got a problem.”

     “Will you just get to the point? I’ve had enough of your shit today, asshole,” Dean growled.

     “Well, you know I like to make an entrance. And, much as I hate to admit it, I owed you. If you kids hadn’t gotten involved, I’d probably still be watching Luci and Mike fight over who gets to sit in the front today – trust me, it gets boring as _hell_ after the first few thousand years. And you convinced me to stand up to Lucifer. I went down fighting – even though I obviously didn’t go down anyway – but it made the whole thing a hell of a lot sweeter. So, I thought, how can I repay the two idiot brothers properly? And that’s when I saw it.” Gabriel turned his gaze to Cas. “Dean and the pretty-boy angel, Castiel. A match made in heaven, some might say. Except you, Dean, were too stubborn to let it play out and I knew the only one who could talk some sense into you was your adorable little brother. If only you’d tell him. And hey, look what happened! So this,” he gestured at the scene around him, “was my way of saying thanks without ever having to say it.” Gabriel grinned sheepishly.

     Dean stood there stunned. He didn’t think he’d have been able to say anything if he tried.

     Thankfully, Sam did it for him. “Uh… Thanks Gabriel. Maybe you’re not that much of a dick after all.”

     “Stop right there, moose,” Gabriel said, holding up a hand, “That is as much touchy-feely crap as I can take today. Gabe, out.” And with that he disappeared, almost as if he had never been there. Ignoring the lack of furniture, broken windows, large scorch mark on the carpet and the four stunned men staring at the place he had stood, of course.

     “So, uh, Dean,” Bobby began, “You two are…?” He gestured at the two men’s hands clasped together.

     “Uh huh,” Dean said stiffly. The public acknowledgement of their relationship was something he was just going to have to get used to.

     “Oh… Well, I’m glad you’re happy.”

     The tension in the room visibly relaxed and Dean chuckled lightly, as if a weight had finally been lifted off his shoulders.

     “God I need a lie down,” Sam moaned, massaging his temples.

     Dean’s response was caught in his throat as the doorbell rang.

     “I’ll get it,” Sam said, moving to open the door.

     “Oh Sam, thank God you’re in, my boss just got these printed and I was just too excited to wait before showing you. They’re a massive hit at the company already – we’re all just _dying_ to get you back in for more…”

     Dean felt his heart stop beating as he recognized the woman’s shrill voice. _Oh no._

“Uh, sorry, who are you?” Sam asked tiredly.

     “What do you mean? It was only a few hours ago, don’t you want to see the prints?”

     Dean had never moved so fast in his life as he sped towards them, taking the envelope out of her hands. “Thanks a lot, lady, goodbye!” he all but yelled, shutting the door with more force than was necessary.

     “What’s that?” Sam asked, eyes narrowed.

     “Oh, uh, nothing?” Dean said, although he knew his efforts were futile.

     Sam snatched the envelope from him and took out the prints. Dean just stood in silence, head hung with shame.

     “Dean… Dean, what the hell are these? What did you do with my body? Oh my God!” Sam burst out laughing. “Modeling? You did a photo shoot? Holy crap!” Sam thrust the photos at Dean who shoved them on the floor angrily.

     “I said no cowboy outfits, but it was out of control. They violated me, Sammy. I had to pout.” Dean groaned.

     “Ok, this day just got a hell of a lot better,” Sam grinned.

     Dean put his head in his hands dejectedly, wanting nothing more than to disintegrate right there.

     “I think you look very pretty, Dean,” Cas whispered in his ear. “I know what we’re doing on Tuesdays, now.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you enjoyed this little journey, dear readers, it has been a pleasure to write for you. Thanks for every kudos, comment, bookmark, subscription and hit - I love you all and want to give you a giant hug right now. Like, really giant.  
> If you want to see more of me, I've started kind of actually using the tumblr I made for this shit so you can check that out here: [shakethattree.tumblr.com](http://www.shakethattree.tumblr.com)  
> And with that, I bid you goodbye for now! (Psst, if you also happen to be in the SnK fandom, there will probably be a shitton of that from me in the near and far future, so watch out!!)

**Author's Note:**

> Well I hope you enjoyed, we're gonna kick things up a notch in chapter 2. Expect a modelling moose and some Destiel (sort of) - what more could you possibly ask for?


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